Checkup time
by Sheba-chan
Summary: [Hints of LxG, ZxA] [slightly weird one-shot] Strange guys ask strange questions. Lina and Zel dislike both. Amelia and Gourry are confused. So - just your normal, chaotic day?


**Check-up time**

Pairings: Zel x Amelia and Lina x Gourry, if you squint really, really hard.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Slightly weird and maybe OOC; some language

Genre: Humor/Parody

Disclaimer: Slayers is not mine. Sadly. I only own badly subbed DVDs of it.

Notes: As some of you might know, I'm not a native English speaker. I always proofread, but some grammatical mistakes might occur. Sorry for any inconvenience.

This is what happens if I'm bored. I start to write nearly plotless, slightly strange stuff. Written in 2 hours, so please don't expect a masterpiece. XD

Oh yeah, knowledge about 'Slayers Try' is needed to understand the fanfic.  
And I apologize for the strange ending!

* * *

It appeared to be a perfectly fine day. The little group had reached a mediocre sized town and since Xellos had left the team a few days ago, some could expect it to be an afternoon without destruction or chaos - the 'destruction' of innocent food in large amounts not included. 

Lina and the rest had decided to split up for the day; each one free to roam the town as he or she wished. Therefore, the red-haired magician was strolling through the streets, stopping at a few shops to look if anything valuable was priced far too low and wanted to make its way into Linas hands.

However, when it came to Lina, strange and chaotic things were bound to occur every day, including this one. And when the sorceress turned away from one more shopping window, a strange man suddenly stood right behind her. The fact that he had not been there a few seconds ago and that she - _she_, of all people - had never heard him coming miffed Lina to no end, but she carried it off well and proceeded to stare at the sudden intruder. This proved to be quite difficult since he was so much taller than her.

"Lina Inverse, isn't it?", he asked and a grin graced his face. His voice was deep and strangely melodic and Lina was sure she had heard it somewhere before.

"Yes, that's me. And you are?"

"You don't remember? Well, since I have...changed...quite a bit since we last met each other, I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Lina frowned. Who the heck was this guy? Not only his voice, she also remembered his appearance from somewhere. Striking long, black hair and almost catlike features, as well as blue eyes. _Blue? Doesn't seem right somehow_, she thought.  
"Who. Are. You?", she repeated.

"Does it matter?" Again, the man grinned.

"Yes?" She wasn't going to be intimidated by this guy!

"I doubt it. Anyway, I'm just here for the check-up anyway."

"Check-up?"

"Yes. She ordered me to do so. Believe me, Her orders can be quite a pain. I'm not here voluntarily, so let's get over with it, okay?"

Lina...twitched. What was this dude thinking? "Listen, you either tell me your name now or you can taste my fireball!", she growled.

He laughed. "I doubt it. Well, so do you plan to use the Giga Slave again sometime? The thing with Phibrizzo was pretty bad, you know."

This stopped her. Mouth open, she stared at him. "First: How do you know this was me? Second: No I don't", she nearly yelled at him.

"Well, that's good to know. Even if you are Her favourite, She can't help you every time. And She doesn't want everything to go boom...sadly. Right. Last question: When are you finally changing that title of yours?"

"Huh? Go boom? What the heck? What title?" _Donotblasthimdonotblasthim_, she repeated in her mind.

"They call you 'Dragon Spooker', you know! Why, I wonder? All you do is blasting Mazoku!" By now, the stranger was nearly yelling at her, for no apparent reason. So Lina did the only thing she knew to do: Blast him to hell.

"_Fireball!_"

To her surprise - and to the relief of the people around them - the fireball never hit anything, for in the second it took flight towards the man, it dissolved and disappeared.

"Huh!", a confused Lina asked.

The man laughed. "Well, I guess that ends the check-up. Take care, Lina Inverse." And he walked away into the crowed. After a few seconds, Lina snapped out of her stare and ran after him, but he was gone.

* * *

Meanwhile, Amelia was sitting on a bench in the local park, enjoying the nice day and the sun and was dozing off. 

"May I?", someone suddenly asked and the princess opened her eyes.

"Sure", she answered and a man with long, blonde hair and deep-blue eyes sat down next to her - which was rather strange, since the benches around her were all free.

"I really hope you don't mind me intruding your privacy, dear princess", he started.

"What?" It had been a long time since someone had addressed her as princess. Besides that, the man spoke like a royal, but his rather plain, white robe indicated otherwise.

"I was ordered to do a check-up on you. If you would be kind enough to answer a few questions, I will soon take my leave."

"Oh, okay then." Amelia surely was confused. The stranger smiled at her warmly and she doubted any ill intentions, but this was truly unusual. A check-up?

"Since you have been travelling with Lady Lina quite a bit I hope you don't have any intentions to follow her rather...destructive ways?"

The princess blinked - and jumped up. "Miss Lina is my friend and as long as she fights for justice I will fight along her side against all evil!" Standing on the bench, she did her wonderful 'Justice Pose #8'. And finally, after all the weeks of suffering...someone actually was _impressed_!

The stranger clapped his hands. "What a marvellous attitude you have! I am truly pleased."

Amelia beamed at him but decided to sit down again. "Uhm...if I may ask a question: Who are you?"

"I am truly sorry, but telling you my name might lead to a disturbance She wants to avoid."

"She?"

"My mother."

"Oh...so your mother send you?"

"Yes, in a way." He laughed. "Well, may I ask one last question, purely out of interest: What do you think about Sir Zelgadis? As a relative of Rezo, do you consider him a threat?"

"What!" Once more, Amelia jumped up, this time enraged. "Mr. Zelgadis is the most friendly and compassionate man I know! He is deeply troubled by the fact that Rezo turned him into a Chimera and besides that, I am sure that he fights for justice!"

The man chuckled. "I see. Please don't be angry, I never meant to accuse him of anything. Well, I think I should stop bothering you now. Farewell, dear princess."

And before Amelia could stop the mysterious man, he stood up and walked behind a tree - just to disappear. A by now very confused princess was left behind.

* * *

"Thanks a lot!" 

Gourry smiled and left the weapon store, a new sword fastened at his belt. With the loss of the Gorun Nova he was forced to use 'normal' swords - and the last one hadn't survived an encounter with Zangulus.

Deciding to save his last money for some food, the swordsman wanted to walk back to the Inn when suddenly someone started shouting.

"Hey you! You there, blonde dude, wait! Damn it, stop, you dork!"

Gourry turned around to see a man in black clothes rush towards him. "Can I help you?", he asked the stranger.

"Yeah, I hope so. Gourry Gabriev, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's me. Who are you? Do I know you?"

"As a matter of fact, you do. But I doubt that you remember me."

Gourry pondered. "Nope, I think I forgot. This sometimes happens to me. Please don't tell Lina, she'll fireball me."

The stranger sighed. "Great. Someone please tell me why I'm stuck with you!"

Gourry blinked. What could the dude want? "Hm, maybe because we have similar hair?" The swordsman pointed at the long, blonde hair of the stranger.

"Yeah, now _that_ must be the solution!" The man twitched. "Right, listen. I'll ask you some questions and you better answer."

"No, I don't think so."

"What! You dare to disobe- I mean, why not?"

"Lina said I shouldn't tell suspicious people things. And you are suspicious because your eyes look just like the ones from Xellos and Xellos is suspicious. But then, Xellos' eyes are violet and yours are not..." Gourry closed his eyes and started to contemplate his train of thoughts.

"Oh, why is it always me who must deal with the idiots! Someone's going to suffer for this, I swear!" The stranger was close to banging his head against a near wall.

Gourrys eyes snapped open. "Why do you call me an idiot? Do you want to challenge me or what? Why don't you say so then?"

The man faced him again. "Challenge you? Hm...yeah, why not? I sure need some amusement! Ha!" Suddenly, a black blade appeared in his hand and he charged at Gourry.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zelgadis stood in front of an ancient temple, in hope of finding a cure inside. 

"I am sorry, but what you seek is not there."

Zel turned around and glared at the man who had just appeared behind him. However, his glare quickly turned into a look of surprise when he noticed the strange appearance of the man. His robes, his long hair, his eyes, everything was silver. And...did he have pointed ears?

"Are you an elf?", the Chimera asked. "And what do you know about my problem?"

"An...elf? What's that? Sorry, I'm new here." The stranger laughed nervously and Zel blinked.

"Uh, so you are not? I mean you clearly aren't human, just look at your ears."

"Huh?" The man touched his ears. "Oh. Whoops. Heh, sorry about that." And a second later, his ears were round and normal. Zelgadis stared.

"Who are you?", he asked.

"Well, I am the one who is supposed to make a check-up on you. Let's sit down somewhere, alright?" He pointed to a large stone next to Zel and both sat down.

"What check-up? Explain yourself!", Zel demanded.

"See, I'm supposed to check if you are dangerous. You know, you actually asked Shabranigdo if he could help you to regain your normal form, so it's not like there's no reason to be suspicious about you."

Zels eyes narrowed. "How do you know that?", he hissed.

"Well, I have my informations..." The stranger grinned. "So, you are actually willing to do everything for a cure?"

"Yes I am. You already know more than you should, so if any of your 'informations' deal with one, you better spit it out."

"As I said, I'm just here for the check-up. Don't know much about this world, so I'm afraid I can't help you with this. Well, if you say 'anything', that makes you dangerous. Let me ask you...would you even sacrifice your friends? Like the princess, Amelia?"

Zelgadis jumped up and drew his sword. "Whatever you are planning, leave Amelia out of it!", he screamed.

"I guess that's a 'No', then. Well, that's good. You know, it's not that I don't understand you. You are pretty depressed over the whole thing because you know that it's your fault, isn't it?"

Zel sighed and sat down again. "Yeah, maybe. If I hadn't been obsessed with power that time, I would never have listened to Rezo. It's my own, damn fault and accepting it isn't easy."

"And then you even joined forces with Rezo for a short time because you thought it was the right thing to do."

"Yes, exactly. I thought that would be the best way to get close to him. Now I know that this was the wrong way. Lina maybe would have died if I hadn't changed my decision...wait, _why am I telling you all this_?" Zelgadis shook his head to clear his mind. What spell was the stranger using on him?

The man chuckled. "Don't worry, that happens sometimes to people who are around me. Well, if you wouldn't have answered, I would have read your mind.  
See, what I want to say is: It's actually okay, because you realised your mistakes. Means you passed the check-up. You are not alone with such problems, maybe you should speak to your friends about it. I made the same mistakes, I joined forces with my greatest opponent because I thought it would be right. Well, when I realised what I had done, it was too late. Killed me and a lot of other people in the end."

"Killed...you?" Zel questioned.

The man just wanted to answer when he suddenly spotted a crowd forming in the town square.  
"What's going on there?" He stood up. "Oh my, I hope that's not the idiot!" And he started to run towards the crowd. Zelgadis however still demanded some answers from the strange man and was at his heels.

* * *

Pushing angry people away and threatening to use fireballs, Lina made her way trough the confluence until she got a clear view at the two blonde men who were fighting each other. She actually wasn't surprised that one of them was Gourry, but the fact that his opponent was merely defending while Gourry was attacking him was more shocking. Her friend was panting heavily while he tried to get a hit in, but the stranger blocked every blow with ease. It was clear that he was merely toying with Gourry. 

"Miss Lina!"

Lina turned around to see Amelia hurry towards her.

"Miss Lina, what's going on here?", the princess asked.

"I wish I knew. But it seems that Gourry gets pounded into the ground. Not that I care, it's his own damn fault." Lina shrugged when Amelia gave her a horrified look.

"What's going on?"

Amelia and Lina turned around to see a silver-haired man standing behind them, Zelgadis next to him.

"Mr. Zelgadis!", Amelia exclaimed, "Mr. Gourry is in trouble and we must help him!"

"There is nothing you can do, Miss Amelia", the man said and shook his head. "I should have known better than letting this idiot run around freely. I will help your friend."

"And who are you? I'm pretty sick of unknown men knowing too much. Amelia, do you know this guy?", Lina asked.

"No, Miss Lina. But today a man told me he had to do a 'check-up' on me."

"Well, then you are not the only one. There was some freaky weirdo who told me the same thing today."

"My, my, my, that's not nice."

Everyone turned around to see the black-haired man.

"_You!_", Lina yelled. "Who do you think you are, leaving me there like that! I wasn't finished with you!"

Amelia stood next to Lina, mouth wide open. "B-but Miss Lina!", she stammered, "That man...Sir, aren't you...Lei Magnus?"

The red-haired sorceress stared at Amelia, then at the man. "Oh", was all she said.

The man chuckled. "Ah yes, that man was called Lei, wasn't he. Well, he's frozen, you know. I'm not Lei, I merely like his appearance. Even if I detest the blue eyes."

"Yeah, _really_", the other stranger snarled, "they're _so_ not your style, Shabranigdo!"

"Sh...Shabranigdo!", Zelgadis asked, being the only one who wasn't in complete and utter shock. Luckily, the crowd around them was too busy watching the fight.

"Aw, spoilsport!" The man identified as Shabranigdo closed his eyes - and when he opened them again, they burned in a brilliant red.

"Alright", Lina growled, starting to summon her magic.

"No, please, Miss Lina. He is not allowed to harm you, for he is dead", the man clad in silver said and tried to hold her back. "This is the part of Shabranigdo you killed yourself, the part hidden in Rezo."

"Oh, that _wanker_!" Lina grinned. Right, she could deal with dead idiots.

Shabranigdo fumed while the other man laughed. "As true as that may be, please do not provoke him all too much. We'll get in trouble already since _he_ did break the rule." He pointed at the man fighting Gourry. By now, the stranger had finally decided to end this game and was mercilessly slaughtering Gourry in front of the horrified people. Even Lina blanched now.

"Gourry, oh no! Hey, _who is this_?", she screamed.

"You know him, in fact, he's another victim of yours. That's Dugradigdu, better known as 'Dark Star'."

"_What!_" Everyone stared at the man.

"Please do not worry, I will interfere now. She will be angry anyway."

"And you are?", Zelgadis asked.

"Night Dragon Vorphied."

Leaving the shocked Slayers-gang behind, Vorphied strode towards the two fighters, created a blade of light - and cut his opponent in two.

However, it only took two seconds until the Dark Lord had recovered and spun around. "What do you think you are doing, _dragon_!", he hissed.

"Dugradigdu, even you might remember with your nearly inexistent brain that we were not allowed to interfere and this includes killing mortals."

"I refuse to let him live! This unworthy individual owned my sword and disgraced it with his idiocy!"

"Well, that's your problem, but I refuse to get into trouble because of you." Vorphied pointed at Gourry and his wounds disappeared. "Go now, warrior. Your friends, especially Miss Lina, are worried." Gourry looked as lost as never before, but decided that this was the perfect time to get away from that blonde maniac with the terrible difficult name.

Vorphied then clapped his hands and a silver mist engulfed the crowd. A few seconds later, they turned around and left the town square, leaving only Lina and her friends behind.

The Night Dragon walked back while Dugradigdu had seemingly decided to listen to his arch-enemy this time. "They won't remember what happened here, which might be the best. If you too want to forget you are free to ask."

Lina shook her head vigorously. "This is too weird to forget, thank you very much."

Shabranigdo laughed. "As I thought. Well, we better are going now, She will be angry anyways. Where is that blockhead?" He looked around.

"I'm here, you dunce!"

"Oh, it's you!", Amelia shouted when she spotted the man she had met earlier, but stopped dead in her tracks then. "Wait...here are already three gods. This means you are..."

"I'm Flare Dragon Cephied."

Amelia fainted, just to be caught by Zelgadis. Cephied smiled apologetically. "I am truly sorry, I didn't meant to scare her."

"Nah, it's okay", Lina sighed. She could almost feel that she was developing a severe headache. "Someone care to tell us what this is all about?"

"Well, mother - meaning L-sama - wanted to make sure that none of you was planning anything drastic. Even if She is greatly amused when watching you, She fears that you might one day destroy this world by accident since She can't take over your body every time, Miss Lina", Cephied explained. "Besides that, you have quite an influence on your friends, so we were supposed to check on them, too."

"And why you, of all people? Dead gods aren't supposed to run around, are they?", Zelgadis asked.

"No, but since we are all dead, we are living in the Sea of Chaos now. And since the battle of Shinzoku against Dark Lords continues even there and since mothers furniture have suffered quite a bit because of this, She...well...gave us detention work to do."

"Oh."

"Lina, who are these people?", Gourry asked, clueless as ever. "Do we know them?"

Lina sighed. "Yes, Gourry. Please tell me you remember at least Shabranigdo."

Gourry thought about it. "Hmm...oh yeah!" He beamed at Lina. "That's the guy who was inside that Rizzo dude!"

"Yes, Gourry. And the one who beat you is Dugradigdu, the one we killed with the five weapons, together with Filia."

"Ah, the one who became that Valbarf! Man, he sure looked ugly then!" Gourry nodded.

By now, Vorphied and Cephied were restraining Dugradigdu from attacking Gourry again. Shabranigdo shook his head in disbelief. "Unbelievable what a dork he is. Well, now it's time to say goodbye. See you in hell, Lina!" Smugly, he stepped to the others.

Lina flashed him her trademark grin. "If I'd be you, I'd pray that this day will never come for you have no chance against me, the brilliant Lina Inverse, the _Mazoku Spooker_!"

"What a vivid mortal you are!"

Everyone spun around to see a woman with brown hair and a black dress standing there.

"_That's it!_", Lina yelled. "Enough of this! I bet you are Chaotic Blue or something, but I don't care! Everyone, we go!" And she turned around and stalked away.

The others looked at her, then at the gods, but when Cephied nodded they decided to follow Lina without another word, Zel still carrying Amelia.

When the Slayers were gone, the woman stepped to the four gods. "Well, well, well", she said. Then, L-sama decided to replace the brown hair with her golden one and hit all her children with her shovel over the head.

* * *

END

* * *

Every author loves feedback, therefore I'd love it if you would spend a few seconds of your time to leave me a review. Praise and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, but please don't flame (no matter how strange this fanfiction was...). 

Thank you!  
Sheba


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